Thursday, December 9, 2010

BLS Step Show Performance at the Riley House Rock A Thon

The Brothers of Beta Lambda performed our 2nd performance since I've been stepmaster of the alumni step team. We did pretty well to have put a show together in less than two weeks. (kudos to the bruhs

The history of the service event is below......

The Riley House is a historical and cultural gem that sits at the bottom of a hill in downtown Tallahassee, at the corner of Meridian and Jefferson Streets.

Nestled among beautiful shade trees, the John G. Riley historic home represents the thriving black neighborhood that once existed in what is just east of downtown Tallahassee. The Riley House is especially significant when compared to other such historical sites in that it is the last vestige we have of the accomplishments of an entire group of people, the black middle class, which emerged in the latter part of the nineteenth century.

During the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, the area just east of downtown Tallahassee and west of Myers Park Drive was an African American community called Smokey Hollow. According to the Tallahassee City Directory, published in 1904, there were five houses on Riley's block on Jefferson Street, all owned by black men. In 1919, there were six homeowners and they too were black. Several other homes, owned or rented by blacks, surrounded the Riley property, extending up College and Gadsden Streets. This situation changed in the 1950's, when plans for the Department of Transportation Building and the expansion of Apalachee Parkway encroached into the boundaries of the Smokey Hollow community. By 1978, only two houses remained, that of John Riley and John Hicks, a black tailor who lived across the street from Riley. Hicks died in the early 1970's and his home was purchased by Colmar Corporation for speculative purposes.

In 1978, through the efforts of local preservationists, the Riley House became the second house in Florida owned by a black person to be placed on the National Register of Historic Places, the first being the Mary McLeod Bethune house in Volusia County.

In 1995, a group of Tallahassee citizens established a museum at the Riley House dedicated to African-American history and culture. This facility draws more visitors and tourist into the area while providing a historically diverse attraction.







Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Got to Have My Own

If it's one thing that's always been a part of me, it's having my own. I've always been a man who likes to do things for himself. I'm speaking more specifically to work. Every since I can remember being introduced to the concept of work, I've seen young, gifted, and African- American male entrepreneurs. Hell, my father owned several private businesses while I was growing up. I even had the chance to be employed by him lol. I don't know what it is but I think it's time for me to start researching where I want to invest my money. I need a business that I can call my own and bring more prestige to my already established family name.

Although my brain is tired from all of the thinking, I'm sure I'm on the brink of something big. We'll see where it leads me but in the meantime, I'll keep putting my axe to the grind. Who knows what the good lord may have in store for me. Some how I have a feeling that 2011 is going to be a great year. ::keeping fingers crossed::

Stay tuned because this 9-5 gig for somebody else is getting old.

I'm Out....

Monday, December 6, 2010

75 Years of Alpha Eta Excellence...

In the spirit of true and genuine brotherhood, it gives me great pleasure to give a shotout to all of my brothers of Alpha Eta chapter worldwide. December 6, 1935 was the day the world recieved this unique chapter and since then, we have been changing the Tallahassee community by way of the campus of Florida A&M University. Alpha Eta men have always stood out amongst the masses. We've had the pleasure of being chartered by one of our fraternity founders, MHF Leonard F. Morse. We've had the pleasure of being chartered by our fraternity's tenth international president MH Richard A. Billings. Lastly, we've had the pleasure of our chapter being chartered by the world renowned scientiests, MH George Washington Carver. We were also the first undergraduate chapter of Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Inc. to be established in the great state of Florida.

Great men have come to our doors, petitioned our knowledge in hopes of membership, and grew through our ranks to affect the lives of those they've come in contact with. I could not see myself being born in and belonging to any of chapter in Sigmadom. Hats off to you Alpha Eta. It is here I learned the true essense of IYHIDM. I'll carry the experiences, treasure the memories, and value the lessons affored to me for the rest of my life because the tenets, precepts, and values are just that priceless. Through all of the ups and downs, good times and bad, I know that I got a lot more from this undergraduate chapter than I could have ever offered it. I could go on and on about the greatness of this particular house in Sigma and the legacy it continues to build 75 years later; however, I'll end modestly by saying these words:

March On March On Ye Mighty Host, Nor Think the Journey Done. Nor of the Future Deeds to Boast, Till We've the Victory Won......

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Something To Believe In...

As a 27 year old man, I've been doing a lot of research and traveling to find knowledge and the true understanding of what I'm supposed to be doing while I'm here on earth. As I've gotten older, I realize that no matter who I have come in contact with, I've discovered that men and women are driven by their passion to understand and ultimately connect with their creator after leaving this world. Born into a God fearing Christian family, I've always given reference and homage to my great creator. As of late, I've been introduced to many things that contradict some of the truths I was given as a child.

Due to me accepting the fact that my religion and all others are based on faith, I've always been secure with what I choose to believe. To this day, I am a man who believes in the Christian faith but as I've decreased in my spiritual studies and worship opportunities with fellow saints, my mind has been introduced to all types of people who have very different beliefs. Now, out of respect for a person and what they believe in, I have always tried to not pass or cast judgment; however, I just hope in the end that the creator loves us all the same.

It's almost frightening to think that so many people with good hearts who perform good deeds and are devout members of their faith may still spend eternity in a place that they didn't prepare for or expect to be due to not worshipping the correct master or believing in the right savior. I don't know. Sadly, so many people yearn to be aligned with what is right that they follow and believe just about anything that's brough to them. Either way, I guess none of us will never know what's right or who's right until it's time for judgment.

Either way, I pray that the lord has mercy on us all and judge us accordig to what's in our hearts versus what other people introduced us to and put in our minds.

*** I can get so much deeper with this post but will chill out for now***

I'm Off My Soap Box.....

I'm Out...


Monday, November 29, 2010

Crash and Burn!!!

Every semester gets harder and harder for me. For some reason, the end of the semester is the worst. It's been this way since undergrad. I can't remember a time when I wasn't drugged up on energy enhancement drinks, my teeth weren't stained from coffee, and I wasn't badly in need of a haircut. Hell, I'm almost embarassed to show face in public. Eh well, I guess that comes with the territory. I just wish I wasn't so stressed around this time. I can't figure out for the life of me why the material isn't clear at this point.

To top things off, I have to work a full time job that demands more of my time and energy than anything else. I guess the stress wasn't so bad until I realized I had a test scheduled for today and have not had an opportunity to prepare for it with all that's been going on lately. Oh and a homework assignment due as well that I know nothing about. Here's to a few hours of prayerful cramming that never works. I guess I would feel like I got what I deserved if I partied all the time and hung out but I honestly don't. I really just keep my head buried in books and sometimes I surface to watch a few minutes of sports center.

Oh did I mention how much is asked of me fraternally and organizationally. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to maintain and keep this pace but I'm long overdue for a serious break. You know, one that will alott time for rest and reflection. I guess a chance to put life in it's proper perspective. I just hope things workout before its too late. Mr. Insatiable is finally seeing it all and I don't like what I see honestly. I'm off of my soap box now.

I'm Out...

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

So it's the day before Thanksgiving and I'm sitting at work with a full shift of responsibility as most of my friends are off work and have gone home to visit their families for the holiday break. I guess I could complain about things but I'll start off this post the right way and say I'm thankful to have a job. Paying attention to the current state of the workforce in Florida and working very closely with a plethora of unemployment compensation claims, I realize that my employment is definitely something to be grateful for.

I won't necessarily say I support all the hocus pocus mumbo jumbo regarding the Pilgrims and the Indians and etc. but I will say that the world would be a very sad place if we couldn't take one day out of the year and acknowledge our creator for the marvelous things he has given us and the unique experiences he has allowed us to be apart of. (Go Figure)

Try to really think about all that you have versus all that you may not have. I guarantee life will paint a brighter picture. If you find it difficult to do this independently, take a trip to your local homeless shelter, hospital, and morgue and see if that provides you with a little motivation to pep up and look at the bright side. Yes, life could be worse than what it may already appear. (Just My 2 Cents)

Not to prolong the issue but here's some food for thought. The man that has it all appreciates nothing he has. He probably did not work to get anything he owns and will probably lose it all due to his lack of appreciation and understanding. On the flip side, the man that does not have much but worked for everything he has and values it all will more than likely be provided with an opportunity to have more; however, once he gets it, he'll maintain it because he knows the importance of his blessings.

Have a safe and prosperous Thanksgiving holiday folks and remember to be grateful for whatever you have.

I'm Out...

Monday, November 22, 2010

I See No Evil, Hear No Evil, & Speak No Evil

Although the title can be a bit misleading, this is exactly how I feel about the communication model. For some reason when it comes down to effective communication, the ears, eyes, and mouth determine one's success. I don't know what it is, but it's amazing how we as people (especially men and women), do not see, hear, or say what's easily interpreted by the other gender. We think we're clear and very concise when we communicate and discover that we're way off base lol. Hey, shit happens!

If I could offer my professional opinion regarding this topic (yeah right), I would say chill out. The best thing to do is to assess situations from an analytical standpoint. Try not to take things personally and if you can, remove yourself from the situation. We know that more often than not, people try to say things that they feel but oftenly have a hard time conveying it to other parties. I'm not sure of how things work exactly, but I do know that communication is vital for every business, friendship, relationship, and association.

In all seriousness, at some point, you will play the roles of sender and receiver. It's great to want to get your point across but you have to be able to allow others the same freedom. Perhaps communication should be governed from an equal perspective versus a double standard. The benefit of doubt should be extended to everyone because chances are, you will want that same consideration. Until someone develops a set of rules that allow the world to be able to communicate without interpretations and feelings being involved, I'm sure that conflict will always lurk in the shadows.

Anyway, I'm off my soap box for today....

I'm Out...

Friday, November 19, 2010

A Day at the Barbershop

I went to get a haircut today on my lunch break because I'll be taking my engagement photos this weekend with my fiance and I know these pics are going to be heavily scrutinized lol so I have to make sure I look my best. Long story short, I strategically left my office at 11:30am to make sure I got to the barbershop at a decent time. I made it there by 11:40am. I tried to get me some cash earlier this morning because this business establishment decides that they no longer take credit and debit cards. Eh, whatever floats your boat I guess, but it is an inconvenience to the customers. I'll admit I officially broke the rules because my lunch break is scheduled to start at noon; however, I knew that if I could get there early, I could beat the crowd. Well that definitely was not the case.

I get there and give my name to the receptionist sitting at the front counter. No big deal to me because I'm all about order and fairness. When she took my name, I specifically asked her how many customers did my barber have in front of me. She told me two customers. I guess that wasn't so bad seeing as how I had to be back to work at 1:00pm. How long does it really take to give a haircut right? Wrong!!! I didn't make it to my barber's chair until 12:30pm. You already know I was seething with anger due to having to wait so long to pay for a haircut. Then it all dawned on me. People are really inconsiderate and thoughtless when it comes to other people's time.

Most of the working class such as myself come to barbershops during our lunch breaks and try to make it back to work. Unfortunately, many of us wait without even receiving service because we have to rush back in order to be on time. Why? Well it's simple in my opinion. There are a million televisions in the barbershops that distract the barbers. They shoot the breeze, crack jokes, talk about women, gossip (like women), eat, (that's right) during the middle of a haircut, they EAT MEALS, and any other thing you can think of that would distract their attention from providing service to the patient customers that try and bite their tongues. He did a rush job on my haircut but because I keep my appearance up, there was not much work he had to do. I ended up missing lunch and making it back with a minute to spare.

Here's a tip for all of these barbers out here. It's ok to have fun and joke around at work but realize, you are at WORK. You lose out on more customers due to your lack of efficiency. I like to joke around and have fun just like the next customer but when I come to have a service performed, I'm not there to spend my day looking at you enjoy the current issues of life. I'm off my soap box.

I'm Out...

Thursday, November 18, 2010

I'm Coming Out of Retirement "1" More Time

Stepping is one of the most socially appealling aspects of being a member of a Black Greek Lettered Organization. Since crossing the burning sands into the magnificent oasis of Phi Beta Sigma land through the Alpha Eta chapter at Florida A&M University, I wanted nothing more than to step with the MAB. Although I had an introduction to the art form of stepping with my college dorm my freshman and sophomore year in undergrad (Palmetto Step Team), there has been no stepping experience that has ever compared to breaking the stage with the men of Royal Blue & Pure White.

I can't really explain the mental high I get when it's "SHOWTIME". I become somebody different because I know that I represent more than myself. The long practices, body aches, weight loss, release of tension and negative energy, and hearing the anticipating crowd errupt with excitement lets me know that all of the sacrifice and "HARD" work is worth it.

Anyway, my last time taking the stage as an undergrad was in 2007 at the FAMU Homecoming Greek Step Show. Of course, I ended as a champion with a first place win. The video is posted below. During my transition into the alumni chapter (Beta Lambda Sigma), I committed to serve as stepmaster for my chapter. The video is posted below as well. Anyway, I'll be coming out of retirement one more time to step with the grad chapter for the local John G. Riley House Rock-A-Thon. I can't wait because I've been off the stage for far too long.

It's time to lace up the old boots and shut down the competition.

I'm Out...



Wednesday, November 17, 2010

FAMU Homecoming 2k10 (15 S.O.T.B.I. 5 year anniversary)

I have to admit by far that this was the best FAMU Homecoming I've experienced in my time as a Florida A&M University Rattler. From serving as a judge of the annual Dorm Step Show (P-Metto Step Team 3rd Place) congrats guys and girls, to SBI Alumni socials, Convocation, Spr. 2k5 Greek Day Party, Homecoming Greek Step Show (1st Place Winners- The Alpha Eta chapter of Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Inc. ) but you knew that already lol, Reunion Luncheon with my linebrothers, Football Tailgate, Football Game (of course the Rattlers demolished Morgan State Bears), and the 1st annual Midnight Masquerade, I had a ball.

One of the major highlights during homecoming surprisingly were my houseguests. My linebrother came to stay with me along with my fiance's linesisters and a host of LBs and AKAs dropped by. It turned out to be a great time. Spr. 05 Greeks are definitely one of a kind. Hey what can I say, tradition ended with us.

If this homecoming taught me anything at all, I would say that I am truly privileged to have been educated at the #1 HBCU in the nation. The bonds I've formed with my classmates, professors, collegues, fraternity brothers, and friends of all affiliations are priceless. I don't think I could have had this experience anywhere else in the world. If you get the opportunity to make it to Tallahassee, FL. towards the end of October, make sure you check us out. I guarantee you won't be disappointed for there is no institution of higher learning like the great Florida Agricultural & Mechanical University.



Soul Child...Will You Come Back?

Every since I can remember, my mind and heart have always had a deep and genuine appreciation for neo soul music. Artist like Erykah Badu, Jill Scott, Music, Mos Def, Common, The Roots, etc. have mentally taken me to places that books, television, and Internet social networking sites could not come close to. When listening to individuals such as these, my imagination is able to conceive mixtures and patterns of colors that aren't independently conceivable on my behalf.
I'm not sure what it is about the content of this music that drives me to seek it out and find more artists like them but I like it. I love the depth of thought that goes into this type of music. It shows me that the industry appreciates more than talks about money, cars, clothes, hoes, bitches, weed, etc. I walk away feeling fulfilled but yet thirsty for more. I can't explain but I sure wish you could understand.

I think in a previous life I might have been a soul child and maybe this music allows him an opportunity to consume me for the life span of one of these musical tracks. Lol, I'm sure you're like he's on some other shit right now lol. Anyway, I'm searching to reconnect with my inner soul child. You'll know him when you see him. He's lured by neo soul, poetry, spoken word, candles, dim lights, wine, and philosophical conversations with depth.

Let me know if you see him and if you find him before you see me, tell him I'm looking for him. Who is he? Simply put, CONSCIOUSNESS!!!

Monday, November 8, 2010

Detox 2k10

So this is the second time I'm doing this detox program and I've been getting a lot of questions. I just found it difficult to answer everyone individually so a universal post would be better. Anyway, here we go. This detox was brought to me as a challenge by one of my fraternity brothers who has battled issues with weight and healthy living. We figured since we were both trying to do the same thing, we would take on the challenge together. At first he did it and my fiance and I were a bit apprehensive. We jumped on board the week after he completed his goal and tried it for ourselves. SN: I tried it the first time for one hundred hours and lost about six pounds in four - five days. Second time around I'm doing it for one hundred and twenty hours. We'll see what the results will be. My goal is to be at 195 pounds by the time I complete the detox.

Here are food items that you will not be able to eat.

1. No Carbs
2. No Meats
3. No Juices or Sodas
4. No desserts
5. No Breads ( I know that's mentioned in carbs)
6. No salad dressings (But if you must have it for taste, do it in moderation)
7. No Sugars (Candy, chocolate, etc. )

You may indulge in fresh fruits and vegetables (cooked or raw), nuts and berries such as raisins and walnuts. I lived by salads and steamed cabbage and water only. After you complete your detox, it is advised to come off of this thing gingerly. Do not go back to eating full meals with everything you ate prior to starting. You will make yourself sick. Try a light broth (chicken, beef, or vegetable) to help you incorporate what you had before. Hit me up and let me know how the challenge turns out for you.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Laying the Foundation for Future Scholars

The Brothers of the Beta Lambda Sigma chapter of Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Inc. proudly presents Alumni Sigma Week 2k10, "Laying the Foundation for Future Scholars".

We are encouraging you to come out and serve with us as we give back to the communtiy. The week events scheduled are as follows:

Sunday, June 13, 2010:
Church Service: New Harvest Christian Center (Service Begins Promptly at 10:30am)
6205 Woodville HighwayTallahassee, FL 32305-1207

Sunday BBQ w/ Beta Lambda Sigma: Time: 3:00- 6:00pm Sue Herdon at Lafayette Park (501 Ingleside Ave. Tallahassee, FL 32308) Blue & White Family and Sigma Beta Members w/ Parents

Monday, June 14, 2010:
Chi Theta Zeta 2nd Anniversary Ice Cream Social Location: Parks & Crump Law Firm Time: 7:00pm

Tuesday, June 15, 2010:
Partnership with the Boys & Girls Clubs of the Big Bend
Movies with the SIGMAS @ Movies 8
Lunch & Fun @ Funstation Time: 11-3pm
Dr. Alain L. Locke Oratorical Contest
Location: Foster Tanner Fine Arts Gallery Time: 6-8pm
Donations are accepted on site.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010:
3rd Annual Bowling for Diabetes:
Cost: $ 100.00 / Team $25.00 / Single Time: 6:14 – 9PM Location: Capital Lanes (Proceeds going towards Tallahassee Diabetes Center)

Thursday, June 17, 2010:
Sigma AFTERWORK Explosion: (Zeta Phi Beta Sigma)
HOTEL DUVAL: Time: 6:00 pm – 9:00 pm

Friday, June 18, 2010:
SIGMA Story Time
Location: New Beginnings Time: 11am – 1pm

Saturday, June 19, 2010:
The Royal Sapphire @ Café Cabernet
$20.00/individual $35.00 / couple $25.00/ on site Time: 8:14pm – 1:30am
Attire: All White(Portion of the proceeds benefit the American Cancer Society)
For more information, feel free to contact me at xavierdurden@yahoo.com

Closer To My Dreams

On May 16, 2010, I took the biggest step my life has experienced thus far and committed myself to the love of my life. How did I do this you ask? Of course, I got engaged!!!. It was one of the biggest decisions I ever had to make but when I went before the Lord and sought his council, I know I was making the right decision with the right woman.


Being 26 years old, some would say that I have the rest of my life to get married and I should continue to play the field. I think, I have the rest of my life to build towards making my story great and what better way to do it than with my best friend by my side along for the ride. We've been through ups that have been really high and lord knows we've had some downs that have been really low. But at the end of the day, I think that's what it's all about. You cannot have a testimony without first being tested. Hey, I'm happy and I believe she is too.

I think the most surprising thing of it all was the overwhelming response of support that we gained from friends, family, and loved ones. Who knew that we all of a sudden became America's favorite couple lol. Naw, just being a little arrogant but man, what a response. I decided to be old school and ask her father and mother for her hand in marriage. I won't say they were happy to give her away to me but they definitely were very confident in my ability to love, protect, and honor her as my wife. I've been told time and time again that the Lord honors marriage so I won't lie, I'm a little bit anxious to receive his favor upon my union. I think what really matters at the end of the day though is that we're happy.

I'm Out....

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Breathing Slow

It's 1:17pm and I'm sitting at the workplace barely able to maintain focus. I've carried a secret that I knew when brought to the light would definitely cause problems for me and my family. I've shared it with most but kept it from my mother and that is being a freemason. After visiting the Prince Hall Grand Lodge of Florida last weekend and seeing many of the great and admirable contributions made to the world by Prince Hall Masons, I knew that I could no longer keep it a secret. This new found knowledge was something to be proud of and did not deserve to be kept a secret.

Unfortunately, my mother's though process about Freemasonry and the members that inhabit the organization aren't of a positive perspective. Perhaps my grandfather set a bad example as a freemason and it's brought grief to me regarding my membership. So many rumors and interesting things she has heard about the Masons made it an organization that I should have not pursued. Most actions that I took in life I've always been able to defend with well researched opinions and thoughts; however, when my decisions are opposed on the stance of religion and my soul being fought for by the devil is when I take a silent tongue. I really can't say anything further. Why? Because who am I to say someone is not truly coming in the name of the lord.

Seemingly since that conversation has taken place, everything around me has been crumbling. Now I have two options. I can sit and watch the world crumble and cry after it's all done or I can stand calmly in the midst of the storms around me and patiently wait to begin picking up the pieces. I choose to take the second option. I can testify that I am breathing slowly because I'm trying to be cautious. I don't want to be the cause of having to pick up and clean up anymore broken pieces. Enough damage has been caused in my personal life based off the decisions I've rendered. So many people I've damaged with these decisions and I won't ignore the fact that many people have damaged me as well. Perhaps it's just some of the stops I have to take on my journey through manhood.

Nonetheless, God is truly faithful to those he loves and I know he has not forgotten me through this period of tribulation.

I'm Out...

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Is Giving to Others Really the Greatest Reward?

It's 9:34am and I'm sitting at work contemplating over a deep conversation that I shared with a friend of mine. Throughout the convo, there was a great deal of venting on both her and my behalf regarding the motivation behind people in society now, specifically, why they chose to align themselves with social/service groups and organizations. I think it's safe to say that we came to the conclusion that most people join fraternities, sororities, and other service groups for the personal benefits they can receive through their membership.

Legend has it that people actually were communalistic in their mentalities back in the day and beleived that what was in the best interest of the group was in the best interest of the individual. Seemingly, it's not like that nowadays. People have become more individually focused and seek to gain and consume for themselves. Now I'm not saying that there is anything wrong w/ personal advancement, I just think its wrong to use groups with identified cultures to push personal agendas. It's sad that these groups take these people in who sale these sob stories about how they want to change the world through service by furthering the objectives of the group and then do just the opposite. NOTHING. I wonder why the honest objectives of these men and women don't come forward initally.

Of course the age has changed and alot of issues that were overt are now covert. I'm not saying what's right or what's wrong, I'm just asking where the line is drawn. Should organizations be used for personal objectives and advancement or should the individuals pursuing the organization work to the further the cause and the aims of that particular organizaition. Also, should there be a time served statute that says you have made significant contributions to the organization or do you work for it for life. I dunno, somebody shed some light here. I do know this, people honestly could save a lot of time and money by just being real with themselves. Many men and women do not beleive they have the strength to accomplish their personal goals so they use others to get to where they need to be. That's pretty messed up in my opinion.

Either way the culture is what it is. It was the way it was long before I became organizatioally affialiated and I don't see it changing anytime soon. Change starts with self so I'll do my part to make sure I live by a just standard.

I'm Out....

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

The Blues

It's 2:48am and I'm sitting here defeated as always. Clearly tomorrow is the big day to take this test in Organizational Theory & Behavior and if it's looking good, it damn sure ain't feeling good. I think I've done everything humanly possible to prepare me for this test and after being quizzed by my girlfriend, I feel like I don't have a damn clue. What's really going on? People maybe able to say a lot about me, but they'll never be able to call me a quitter. That characterisitic just ain't in my character. I feel like a blazing idiot when I think how life has continously kicked my a** and I get up, brush myself off, and come back to take another a** whoopin. I just don't know.

I've seen many people acquire Bachelor's degrees and to be perfectly honest, I just don't feel like I can stop here. I want the Master's so bad I can almost taste it. Perhaps my judgment has been affected as a result of my wants. Everyone isn't cut out to be a top notch student. History has proven that definitely isn't my claim to fame. It just maybe my calling to be an average guy. Well, I say if I'm going to be average, I'm going to go down fighting to do extraordinary things. I just don't know how much left I have in the tank to continue fighting the good fight. It has been said that a fool is a man who tries the same thing over and over again and expects a different result. Well, I maybe a fool to be back in school.

Prayerfully, the lord knows the desires of my heart and hopefully will bestow upon me favor to accomplish those desires. I don't know. Sometimes I honestly can't tell. It maybe that grad school was never in his will in the first place. That's what you get for being out of compliance. Somethings got to give, that's for damn sure. Either way, in approximately fourteen hours, destiny will have to be faced. As with all of my academic fights, I know I'm probably going to go down, but bit**, best believe I'll go down swinging. I still have my pride even at my lowest of points.

I'm Out...

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Mr. Insatiable

It's 4:28pm and I'm sitting and work with a truckload of things to do. Strangely enough I just don't care today. Man, I'm so burnt out with nothing else to give and still have grad school classes tonight. Mind you, I have a test on Thursday as well. This sh** is getting really old. All I want to do is just become the great man that I'm destined to be. The process of getting there is for the birds lol.

I don't know what I've done to myself but for reason I have to be the overachiever. I always have to want more out of life. Why can't I just sit my ass down and go with the flow. I have a beautiful lady, a decent job paying fairly well I guess, a bachelor's degree, fraternally affiliated in more ways than one, and I'm still not satisfied. WTF is wrong with me? Perhaps I've watched other people's lives and made myself a fan of their work. Perhaps I'm never pleased with my own efforts because someone else appears to have done better than me. I know I'm destined to be at the top but even when I'm there, I'm not convinced that I've reached the highest peak.

I'm not sure where this mentality will take me because I've never landed amongst the stars. I've honestly done well enough to make the cut and in some cases get by. This pattern is exactly just that, a pattern. I convince myself to stop but I can't because I want for so much more. Perhaps I'll see you again blogger audience when I have a new accomplishment to share with you. Either way it turns out, I know my future is destined for greatness because I am made in "HIS" image and likeness. Faith without works is dead and I'll admit, I don't work as hard as I should. I mean look at me, I'm typing this while I'm at work. (Go Figure)

I'm Out...

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Missing My Crown

It's 6:35pm and I'm feeling kinda blah like always. Truth be told, life has shown me several small glimpses of happiness, but the consistency is really lacking. My mind goes back, and back, and back, and back, and I try to realize where and when I lost my swagg. After wracking my brain for hours, it finally came to me. My swagg and the spirit of confidence died when I cut my hair. Most of you all may find it hard to believe but I used to have a thick grade of long hair. We're talking shoulder length without having it straightened. I cannot tell you how much I really valued and cherished my hair.

Now I know there is a lot of conflict when it comes to men and us having long hair but it really gave me a deeper sense of self. It almost seemed like my mind retained more knowledge with hair. Doesn't make sense? Well, it didn't always make sense to me either but that's how it went. It makes my mind reflect on the story of Sampson and Delilah. I'm not saying that I cut my hair due to the influence of a female counterpart. I'm saying I chopped my crown to fit in the corporate culture of the School of Business & Industry at Florida A&M University. It was told to me upon my admission into the program that men with long hair was not an acceptable image into the culture of corporate America. I wanted my hair but I desperately wanted to place myself in a position to be awarded an internship with one of the big fortune 500 companies. Well, after chopping the crown, I graduated from (SBI) and did not pick up one internship while I was there.

So as I sit at 26 years old looking to further myself and really gain the discipline it takes to be a full-time boyfriend, employee, part-time student, fraternity man, and Mason, I realize that all of these commitments and obligations would have been quite easy with my crown. Why? Because kings make things happen. I'm no longer royalty, but a part of the masses. Should I grow it back and restore the confidence of my youthful expression, or remain a product of socieities eyes in the constant struggles of wondering how it would make me appear. I honestly don't know. I do know that I miss it more than ever. It was just something different about my confidence. It made me feel unique. I wasn't like the rest. Let me get off my soap box.

Heavy is the head that wears the crown, but you can't be a king without it.

I'm Out...

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Give Me a Break....Spring Break 2010

The time is 12:23am and I just finished another round of Billy Blanks "Boot Camp" workout with my lady. Some how it just dawned on me that this week is spring break. Ahhhhh man, the time of year where the inner savage is given permission to be just that, a savage. I remember when I used to look forward to this time of year as an undergraduate of Florida A&M University. I'd sit and make plans with my fraternity brothers to leave the town for our annual Panama City break. Definitely good times and great fun. As I got ready to make my annual call, I realized I was fully employed with a job I have to report to in the morning. AIN'T THAT A BI***. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to receive my bi-weekly direct deposit and all, but this break would really be what the doctor ordered. While the collegiates are out of town drinking their lives away, sleeping until the middle of the day, sunbathing, partying to loud music, and enjoying the company of the opposite sex, I'll be home preparing for another day of work.

Welcome to the life of an adult. This is a world filled with responsibilites that can't be placed on hold for self fulfillment. Welcome to the life of business files, company e-mails, nagging bosses, and needy clients. The aroma of coffee beans and the groans of caffine addicts who need their daily fix. ::Shudders:: I guess you get use to it after a while, but it doesn't stop me from missing the good ol days. Forgive me collegiates lol, but I'll more than likely live vicariously through your facebook photo albums and reflect on the days of my youth. If I can offer a bit of useful advice, I would say enjoy undergrad and do as much as you socially can, because when you walk across that stage, the music stops, the lights go off, and the party ends. See ya on the other side lol.

I'm Out...


Thursday, March 4, 2010

Soul Ties

It's 12:48am and I just finished working out to Billy Blank's bootcamp dvd. Why? Because I'm trying to get that last minute sexy going before I'm draping a tuxedo to stand in front of one of my closest friends wedding guests. I recently received the honor of serving as a groomsman for his wedding.

As I sat at his final rehearsal dinner tonight, a number of thoughts crossed my mind. First, I was proud of the courage he had to make the decision to find a woman that he loved enough to make her his wife. Now some of you may think that's not that serious; however, the average brother isn't trying to place himself in a serious monogomous relationship, let alone jump the broom. The second thing I thought was, how are his ex-girlfriends feeling about his current union. I know it's not something that should be mentioned but bump it, I'm keeping it real. Hell, I wonder if they were informed and even invited to the wedding. Speak out ya'll, is it considered common courtesy to invite your ex to your wedding? Technically I guess their feelings don't matter because they didn't have what it took to make the cut. Truly, it is my beliefs that his wife is an extraordinary woman and she deserves to be married to a man of his caliber.

I currently am happily in love and can't wait for the day to take Beyonce's instructions and put a ring on it. I also know that I only plan on doing the whole marriage thing once so I want to make sure I do it right. It takes a brave man to want to walk the plank as most of us put it; however, many of the lucky ones don't drown after the plunge, they float and eventually walk on water because marriage is an institution that is ordained by God. Anyway, congratualtions to you my brother and I wish you and your beautiful bride nothing but pure happiness, joy, and most of all, love for God and one another. I'll be there tomorrow to help you all celebrate your crowning achievement. Thanks for thinking enough of me to bestow me with that honor.

I'm Out...

Back For the 1st Time

The name is Xavier E. Durden and I'm a man who wears many hats and holds many titles. The purpose of this blog is to give you a free pass into my mind, my mentality, my thoughts, my convictions, my opinions and views, and most of all, my life. I'm quite confident that you will find this and other visits to be quite interesting as a lot will be shared here.

I'll cut right to the chase and get it out of the way. Most know me to be very politically correct and strategic with the words I choose to express myself. I'm abandoning that mentality and know that I'm going to call it like I see it and shoot straight from the hip.

It's going to be a bumpy ride folks so you might want to buckle up. Feedback is appreciated and definitely key so feel free to drop a comment, add a line, or give ya boy a shot out.

I'm Out....