Breathing Slow

It's 1:17pm and I'm sitting at the workplace barely able to maintain focus. I've carried a secret that I knew when brought to the light would definitely cause problems for me and my family. I've shared it with most but kept it from my mother and that is being a freemason. After visiting the Prince Hall Grand Lodge of Florida last weekend and seeing many of the great and admirable contributions made to the world by Prince Hall Masons, I knew that I could no longer keep it a secret. This new found knowledge was something to be proud of and did not deserve to be kept a secret.

Unfortunately, my mother's though process about Freemasonry and the members that inhabit the organization aren't of a positive perspective. Perhaps my grandfather set a bad example as a freemason and it's brought grief to me regarding my membership. So many rumors and interesting things she has heard about the Masons made it an organization that I should have not pursued. Most actions that I took in life I've always been able to defend with well researched opinions and thoughts; however, when my decisions are opposed on the stance of religion and my soul being fought for by the devil is when I take a silent tongue. I really can't say anything further. Why? Because who am I to say someone is not truly coming in the name of the lord.

Seemingly since that conversation has taken place, everything around me has been crumbling. Now I have two options. I can sit and watch the world crumble and cry after it's all done or I can stand calmly in the midst of the storms around me and patiently wait to begin picking up the pieces. I choose to take the second option. I can testify that I am breathing slowly because I'm trying to be cautious. I don't want to be the cause of having to pick up and clean up anymore broken pieces. Enough damage has been caused in my personal life based off the decisions I've rendered. So many people I've damaged with these decisions and I won't ignore the fact that many people have damaged me as well. Perhaps it's just some of the stops I have to take on my journey through manhood.

Nonetheless, God is truly faithful to those he loves and I know he has not forgotten me through this period of tribulation.

I'm Out...

Is Giving to Others Really the Greatest Reward?

It's 9:34am and I'm sitting at work contemplating over a deep conversation that I shared with a friend of mine. Throughout the convo, there was a great deal of venting on both her and my behalf regarding the motivation behind people in society now, specifically, why they chose to align themselves with social/service groups and organizations. I think it's safe to say that we came to the conclusion that most people join fraternities, sororities, and other service groups for the personal benefits they can receive through their membership.

Legend has it that people actually were communalistic in their mentalities back in the day and beleived that what was in the best interest of the group was in the best interest of the individual. Seemingly, it's not like that nowadays. People have become more individually focused and seek to gain and consume for themselves. Now I'm not saying that there is anything wrong w/ personal advancement, I just think its wrong to use groups with identified cultures to push personal agendas. It's sad that these groups take these people in who sale these sob stories about how they want to change the world through service by furthering the objectives of the group and then do just the opposite. NOTHING. I wonder why the honest objectives of these men and women don't come forward initally.

Of course the age has changed and alot of issues that were overt are now covert. I'm not saying what's right or what's wrong, I'm just asking where the line is drawn. Should organizations be used for personal objectives and advancement or should the individuals pursuing the organization work to the further the cause and the aims of that particular organizaition. Also, should there be a time served statute that says you have made significant contributions to the organization or do you work for it for life. I dunno, somebody shed some light here. I do know this, people honestly could save a lot of time and money by just being real with themselves. Many men and women do not beleive they have the strength to accomplish their personal goals so they use others to get to where they need to be. That's pretty messed up in my opinion.

Either way the culture is what it is. It was the way it was long before I became organizatioally affialiated and I don't see it changing anytime soon. Change starts with self so I'll do my part to make sure I live by a just standard.

I'm Out....